im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
