This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
