Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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