I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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