Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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