Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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