Can i not drive my cunt home
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
