I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
