my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
