sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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