You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
