Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
