i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
