we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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