I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
