No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
