I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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