Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
