just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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