ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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