omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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