highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
