i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
