Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
