so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
