You made me cry and you don't even care
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
