Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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