WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
