nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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