I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
