I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
