Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
