There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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