Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
