She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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