I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
