apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
