everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
