ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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