Soap is not a condiment
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
