he puts the penis in happiness.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
