Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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