What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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