Can i not drive my cunt home
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
