No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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