You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The best revenge is premature balding
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dear god my vagina.
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