You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
