I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
