so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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