Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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