One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
