i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
